She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
