My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
