You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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