he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
