this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
