you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
