I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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