Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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