I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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