is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize