i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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