Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
