Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
