You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
