have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
