All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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