I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
