Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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