I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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