My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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