Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
