Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
