Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
