Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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