So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
