I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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