Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
