You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
