You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is Oprah even human
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize