He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
