my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
