How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
