Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
