He asked me if I "almost moaned"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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