i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
