Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He better not be in your backpack
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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