Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
