Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
