just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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