I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
