you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
