My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
