Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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