It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
