you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
