i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
