Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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