You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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