i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
