I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
