oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
