What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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