I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I did not marry a roomba.
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