i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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