Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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