So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
