i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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