I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am spending my child support on dildos
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
