yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
