you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have feelings that need drinking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
