Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
high people should be assigned attendants
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
