you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
