dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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