Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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