I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
